Susan G Komen: Barely For the Cure

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”
-Anne Frank (maybe)

Barely For the Cure

When we think charity, usually it involves a sense of selflessness. Maybe a bit of humility. Sacrifice. Humbleness. Morality.

Susan G Komen is none of these things.

You may be saying…”No! That can’t be possible! I see pink ribbons, and shirts, and wrist bands, and f*cking everything! They are the leaders in breast cancer research and are literally saving boobs everywhere!”

Well I hate to burst your bubble, but the Susan G Komen Foundation is; barely for the cure.

Yes that’s Hulk Hogan in a completely pink WWE ring. This is a real thing.



The above photo of the Hulkster flexing, in what seems to be a orgasmic pink fever-dream, is a prime example of PinkwashingIt’s SGK’s favorite marketing tactic of making everything associated with the SGK foundation pink as f*ck.

Now is this bad in and of itself? Absolutely not! Now everyone with two eyes and a pulse understands that when they see a massive amount of pink sh*t, it usually has something to do with breast cancer.

Basically trademarking a color, is genius. Especially when there are so many psychological effects of color. It’s awesome awareness and exposure for the disease, and on the surface, is just brilliant marketing.


The cronies over at SGK decided that they wanted to go a little outside the box with their sponsorship and branding, and reach out to Baker Hughes.

wtf is this thing

Is Baker Hughes a medical supplier of sorts, with a new pink piece of equipment? Don’t be silly, Baker Hughes is a fracking company, and thats the drill bit they use to pump special liquid mixtures into the Earth!

Now, we didn’t do our research on fracking for this article, but I can almost guarantee that this partnership is absolutely f*cking crazy. What the hell does fracking have to do with breast cancer? Nothing. Except, maybe bringing in that sweet, sweet cash.

The problem isn’t the fact that SGK seems to partner with anyone willing to shell out some cash and throw a pink ribbon on their product. Ya know, for all that cancer funding good publicity.

The problem is where that money is going. We’ll look into that later.

For the Cure

You’ve heard these words before; “race for the cure”, “walk for the cure”, “*verb* for the cure”. The “cure” being the cure for cancer of course. Mostly breast cancer, but some have tried to adopt the phrase for other causes.

Well SGK thought to themselves, “I like this phrase; this phrase is now ours” and they went ahead and trademarked it.

Meh, it’s just a trademark, it’s not like they are really trying to enforce their right of ownership. Oh wait, yes they absolutely are. They are literally suing other charities over the right to three little words.

What kind of charity, sues….another charity? Fake charities. Charities which are actually giant marketing campaigns capitalizing on cancer; thats who.

So in response to the asinine bullying from Susan G Komen, we’ve decided to make our own shirt, with the proceeds actually going to breast cancer research. WE, OF SOUND MIND AND INTENT, ARE GOING TO PROFIT OFF OF YOUR TRADEMARK™.

If anyone at SGK would like to contact us to complain, we invite you to e-mail us at

Pleeeaaase sue us, it would be so much fun.

Where is the money going?

If you guessed towards research, you’d only be 20% correct. Now does that mean they are keeping 80% of the hundreds of millions they cashed in, in 2015? No,  37% went to “education”, 16% for screenings, 10% for fundraising, 9% for administration, and 8% for treatment.

Now, we may be on the slow end of the light bulb scale, but we don’t exactly know what constitutes “education” and the millions spent on “fundraising” actually means.

But what we do know is that spending 56% of your income on things not directly effecting breast cancer patients or researchers seems like a bad business model. Especially when your literal motto is “for the cure”.

But we didn’t pass accounting in college, so lets venture into something we can absolutely say is complete bullsh*t; executive salaries.

Nancy and her bling

Nancy Brinker, the queen of the SGK foundation and sister to Susan G Komen (who died in 1980 of breast cancer), at one time was making nearly $600,000 a year out of their $350 million in revenue.

To compare that number, the CEO of the Red Cross (which brings in over $3.4 billion a year), makes about $500, 000.

If you want to have your head explode with the amount of executive money that gets thrown around at a charity, read this article here.

Where to give your money

Enough complaining about SGK; lets highlight the most important part of this article, where you can ACTUALLY send your money:

—————READ ME—————

Breast Cancer Research Foundation

Breast Cancer Fund

What you have learned today

  • I’m not sure, but we feel like this may have been offensive to write

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